Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

"Yo mama started walking five miles a day when she was sixty - she's ninety-seven today and we don't know where the hell she is."

2 fish were watching to clams eating a chocolate bar, one fish said to the other, did u c, they didn't even offer us a bite, 2nd one replied, how do u expect them to! they are twooooo shellfish!

At weddings old aunts usd to tease me saying "You are next, you are next." But they stoppd it since I started doin the same to them at funerals...!!

Q: How did Santa cheat the railways? A: He bought the ticket and didn't travel

Never criticize your wife's faults.It might have been those faults that kept her from getting a better husband

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.